I’ve always been one of those people who likes to put their fingers in pies (literally and metaphorically). Thank god for my parents, who, over my 28 years have seen me jump from job to job and dream to dream…and always, unconditionally supported me. They’ve been there at my highs to celebrate and at my lows to hug me. And they’ve never once questioned my ideas or decisions. Just spurred me on, knowing that eventually one of these things will be the right thing.
And it’s taken me all of those 28 years to see where they are coming from and believe in this one fact; it’s okay to not be sure. About anything!
You see, I sometimes feel like I’m the only person in my various friendship groups who has no idea what she wants to do, or even what she’s doing right now. It seems like, despite being the oldest out of the majority of my friends, I’m still stuck way behind everyone else. Maybe they’re just better at hiding their oh-my-god-what-the-hell-is-my-life moments. But everyone seems to be on the right track; doing jobs they love, in the fields they want, with the people they want. And then there’s me, stress watching Netflix and changing my mind about e v e r y t h i n g every other week. It’s exhausting!
But like I said, I’ve slowly learnt and believe more and more that this is actually OKAY! I am 100% certain that one of these days I will find something that will fill me with so much passion and determination that I’ll never want to sleep for fear of missing out even an hour of doing it. And I will happily commit my entire life to doing that thing. Whether it is writing children’s books or spinning fire or researching if snails have feelings (that’s probably not going to be it, but who knows guys. Who. Knows.)
I’m currently sitting on a train from Winchester to London watching all the big open fields turn into cottages turn into roads turn into the city and remembering just how much there is to offer in this world. Everywhere. We can literally do anything.
And I’m only 28! I’ve barely even been born guys. I have my whole life ahead of me to figure this out. How frightening is it that I’m even writing about feeling like I need to know right now what it is I should be doing! There is so much pressure on all of us all the time to live life to some sort of “plan” that doesn’t even exist. And I’m bored of putting myself down for not reaching some sort of invisible expectation that has been put on me, by myself and the world. We make the rules here people, it’s time to start actually putting our own ones into plan!
And this might take a month, or a year, or two years…that’s okay too. Because in the mean time I get to eat all the pies and drink all the wine I want and try a bunch of things to spark inspiration, motivation and excitement. I get to live life! And I’m happy with that thank you very much.